Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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