is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
