Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Send help, water and tortillas.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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