I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
