I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
