I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
