please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
