Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
its liver damage thursday
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
