i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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