My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What a dumb baby whore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
