I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i drank out of a bidet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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