even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
