What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
