shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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