A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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