hotel room ftw
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
