Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
