Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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At a point I was just cumming dust last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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