It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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