I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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