i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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