I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
