maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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