just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
