His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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