I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
