For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
