Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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