i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
