I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
