The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I need moral support for this bender
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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