I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
