so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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