You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
