I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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