Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
