Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize