You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
