maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
