I'm jealous of your bromance
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
