My nipple is on Facebook.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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