I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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