If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
