Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
