Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
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I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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