I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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