Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
