I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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