I am spending my child support on dildos
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
