I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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