Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
