that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
