u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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