so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
