wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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