No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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