i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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