hotel room ftw
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
