At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
