We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
