Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
