I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
