she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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