She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
