News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
