Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
