I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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