my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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