I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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