do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
