I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
