He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
